There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
