thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
