I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
