Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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