I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
