So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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