I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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