I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
