I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
