I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
