i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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