Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
