What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
did you just send me my own nude
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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