i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
