All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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