I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
