I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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