forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did i walk over a car last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
