It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hippo gnu deer
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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