i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
