I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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