I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
