The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize