I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
