I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
