who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
