I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
