you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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