college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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