Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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