as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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