Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
