The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize