I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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