perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize