just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
