I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize