when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
