I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He? As in you personified your dick?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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