I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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