...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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