I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Houston, we have a blender
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
