Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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