feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We need to get me chipped asap
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
