Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
