Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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