i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize