Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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