Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
