He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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