2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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