is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
smell my finger.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize