Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
