i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
