ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize