Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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