So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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