I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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