So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
