I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
