my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
