Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
