just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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