I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So squirting runs in the family.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
